January 17th, 2009

Projectile vomit all over me
Genetu puked on me
it could be so many things
but we are changing all the babies formulas to soy from milk
doctors orders
so it could be that
I am just praying I don't arrive there today
and all the babies puked

There is another baby Batanyia she was breast feed she is 6 weeks and
just arrived 4 days ago from living on the streets
she is screaming and miserable unless I am holding her
I am just watching her soul ache
it's different with her
she still screams in the way a baby would when there mom is gone for
the afternoon or something

the worst is when she stops crying and just tears with this glazed
look over her eyes
its the glazed look that many of the babies have
but I am watching her develop it

many of these babies have this glassy reflective look in their eyes
like I see my own reflection more than a soul inside
it could be drugs
or they could be sick
but in my gut I think it is they lack of love , the lack of needs
being met, its dissociative,

Genetu goes in and out of this look
he also could have puked from all the stimulation of being held so
much of the day
he has been on the moby most of the day

we took him to a restaurant for lunch and then over to the toddlers orphanage
our driver is Ayele.....we took him to lunch
we are not supposed to have Genetu outside of the orphanage but they
are letting us do anything we want.

For dinner we went to a fancy place called fasika's----it's well known
in the states, people had told me to go there.

We took Ayele, Rahel, Siga, and her friend to dinner here. They are
teaching me Amharic. I have the same conversation about 12 times a day
about how I look Ethiopian. It's an advantage, people are fascinated
that I look so Ethiopian the feel eager to teach me everything about
there culture because they look at me and think I should already be a
part of it.

I am trying to asses the priorities of needs here and then I will let
you know if and what there is to do from the States. Thank you to all
of you who have offered help already.

Today I go to my friend Arielle's yoga class ( she is inspired by
Shiva Rae so it should be a fun class) the I go with her to hunt for
apartments. It's hard to be away form Batanyia I ache so deeply for
her. I am constant dialogue with myself about how to care for myself
and keep myself strong, healthy, rested, and filled with life amidst
this abyss of need.

self sacrificing loving is so tempting here....right now I am just
trying to remember to drink water and bring energy bars while I am at
the Orphanage.

Abby, Sasha, keri and or Annie- I'd love some baby yoga/occupational
therapy type exercises to do with the babies. Will you e-mail me some
please.

More to come....my internet is not fast enough to upload pics
yet..they are coming

I love you all
I feel all your love and support so much
xo
T